My favourite judge on American Idol has been Simon Cowell all the time. I like him, you get the truth from him. No waffling about making excuses for not actually telling it like it is like Paula, bless her heart, does. Paula does a fine job of being nice to everybody, even those who couldn't sing to save their lives, and there are astounding amounts of those it would seem. That's all well and good, nice is grand, but the contest is about singing and performing, about having talent and presence on stage. There are many factors and if you have none of them you don't belong in the competition. Heck even if you do have one or two of them you still don't belong in the competition, because they're looking for contestants who have it all.
And that's why I like Cowell. He's blunt. I like blunt. People who know won't be surprised to hear that. I would much rather people tell me the truth, than having them blow sunshine up my arse where it does absolutely no good. Sunshine's fine, but not there.
I do the same for others. And yet I always go by the famous rule: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I never give a critique that doesn't point out good points. NEVER! I always make sure to let the artist know what's good about their work. Being told what not to do is all well and good, but if you're not told what to do instead it's useless. I know this, and I've sworn to never make the mistake my phonetics professor made. "You get in trouble when transcribing vowel sounds." was her feedback to me on a transcription assignment. And what could I say? Ehhh thanks for nothing, I think. How about telling me what's wrong with my transcribed vowel sounds? How about telling me what I should do to improve? Nope, apparently she thought it was enough to point out that I ought to improve, but not how. I eventually identified the problem myself and fixed it, after which I pretty much coached half my class through their vowel sounds. What if our professor has actually TAUGHT us? Outlandish thought, I know. Could be the reason two thirds of the class failed the exam.
But I digress.
That instance and several others have taught me a lot about feedback and its most useful shapes. Have I ever received good feedback? Oh yes, once in a rare while it comes along. I had one comment with really useful feedback (primarily corrections) on my Sonnet IV. I remember getting some really useful feedback one time on fanfiction.net. Just once in the 4 years I was there. And I had semi-useful feedback when I submitted a poem of mine to a club on dA specifically requesting feedback. Much of it was useless because at least one of the critis hadn't even read the rhythm in the poem right. Pointing out in the comments that it was written in dactyls apparently hadn't done an ounce of difference, and so there were suggestions for word replacements based on a flawed reading of them poem. Utterly useless, that part was.
That's three instances. THREE!!! And I've been on fanfiction.net for many years, I had works up there for about 4 years. And I've been on dA for 2 years. That amount of criticism is... pitiful to say the least. I am not here to harvest the adoration of the masses - good thing too, 'cause I'd fail miserably, I am here to become a better poet/writer. I leave thorough critiques on other people's works, when I find works that I think are great and have the potential to become truly awesome with a few tweaks and such. And if I'm unsure of the reception a critique might get I leave the less heavy bits of it and offer a more complete one should the artist wish it. So far some artists have gotten back to me, requesting I go over their work, and I will do so, pointing out the good things they ought to hold on to, and the bad things they ought to change.
Others don't get back to me and we don't have any further communication after that.
Looking through the comments I've received on my works over the past two years here there are a few more critiques that actually go in-depth with my work. But for some reason I don't remember them. I'm fairly certain that the reason is this: they didn't suggest any changes or improvements. At most they spotted a typo. Those that stick in my memory are those I had to think about in the implementation.
And this from a poet who consistently places Advanced Critique Encouraged on her works. Not a whole lot of good that did me. It's a fancy little thing, that critique note one can set when posting works. I wonder how many people actually use it...
I know I often don't even read the author's comments till after I've read and critiqued. Sometimes I read and get caught up in it and in what I want to say about it that I simply don't get around to reading author's comments till afterwards. So if the Critique Discouraged is placed there, I don't see it till it's to late. It's not intentional, sometimes I simply get caught up in my enthusiasm going all: "omg this could be really good if you do a tad tweak there and there, and that line is awesome, so if you use the same line in the next verse to refer back to it, it'll be so powerful. etc etc."
So if people don't use the Critique Discouraged with the user comments box I sometimes leave an unwanted critique. If I see a Critique Discouraged I never post one. I might still post a comment with a compliment and offer a thorough critique on the off chance that they might want it anyway.
I never post anything if I don't see anything positive about a piece.
I have been told that I'm mean in my comments. Rest assured that it is not intentional. I'll gladly admit to being blunt. I tell it like I see it, and that may not always be a welcome thing. If all you want is for me to blow sunshine up your arse, tell me that and you'll never hear from me again. If all you want is undying devotion and unending declarations of admiration and love. Sorry, no can do. I'll be puzzled, because I do not understand this viewpoint, I might also tell you so, but I will respect your wishes.
The bottom-line is: I don't make un-nuanced comments. I don't make all-adoring comments (though I'll admit to having made an exception to this once in a while) and I don't make all-boo comments. So don't ask me to.
Whatever I might have said, you can be darn sure I meant it, and what's more: you're always welcome to reply and ask me about it. I always mean what I say, but that doesn't mean I always say it the best way possible. We're only human and there will be misunderstandings, there will be times when I step on some toes - not because I mean to, but because honesty will do that at times. If I do step on toes I am always willing to explain or apologize, whichever is relevant in a given situation. I, too, can have bad days and sometimes that shines through in what I write. Write me back and tell me what was off-putting and we'll straighten things out.
But here's what you shouldn't do: Don't ever accuse me of "always doing this..." without pointing me to where I did it. Don't ever tell me: "I know someone who felt really hurt by what you said, but I won't mention any names." If you're writing me a note it's all in private anyway, but if you refuse to show me where and what I did wrong I can draw only one conclusion namely this: You are a liar who are just trying to get to me, and therefore won't present any evidence to back up your statements.
Provide me with evidence and we can work on sorting things out. I'm no stranger to admitting my faults, goodness knows we all have them, but if you won't point out my errors I have to assume that you made them up. Not because I expect you to have done that, but because if I were to consider all accusations relevant and fair even with no evidence, I'd break down in a horrible mess that ought to live in the closed ward the rest of her days.
I've spent 6 years feeling guilty for being good at singing, when some of class-mates were not. The reason for my guilt? One of them accused me of always wanting to show off. I had never had any motives like that, all I had was a simple joy in singing ad therefore when the music teacher asked who would like to sing, my hand was raised. Everyone else was free to raise their hands as well, and the teacher chose between us and as far as I remember, we sang the lead in an equal number of songs. But the accusation of being a show-off? It made me never raise my hand again, it made me feel guilty when the teacher asked me to sing when no one else would, it made me feel guilty for being good at something, all because I was accused of something I hadn't done and didn't have the strength to refute it even though I knew the accusation was false. Oh and btw: I was 11 years old at the time.
I suffered the same type of baseless accusations all the time during the first 10 years of my schooling. It was my reading skills, my writing skills, my memory, everything. No matter what I did, even if I just answered a question, I was a show-off. There's a reason I'm a huge fan of Hermione Granger.
After long years a lot of introspection has led me to the conclusion that even if people do clearly believe what they're saying, I have to ask them for evidence of my wrong-doing. It is my defense against the guilt-trips. If there is no evidence I reject the accusation completely, I have to. Because if I don't, if I accept the accusation without know what I did wrong, I can't change it either and I'll be agonizing for years. If I do get evidence I have something concrete to apologize for, and I have something concrete to improve and change about myself.
So therefore, if you do not present evidence, you will be stonewalled.
But let me be clear. I am not asking you to tell me why you thought I was being hurtful. People are different and we respond emotionally to different things, I understand this and won't ever try to tell you why this and that shouldn't have been hurtful to you. Instead tell me WHAT I said that was hurtful to you, I'll apologize, and hopefully I'll be able to remember that putting it the way I did, can be hurtful and thus should be done with caution.
And lastly, tell me what you see in my writings, be they poems or comments, do not try and tell me who I am, how I think or how I feel, because you do not know. Feel free to make guesses about me based on an example you can give from something I wrote. That's cool, I always like to hear about what people find in my writings. But do not tell me that you won't tell me this or that "...because I know it'll fall on deaf ears." This is a quote, from you know who you are. Nobody on dA knows me well enough to tell whether what they'll say to me will fall on deaf ears or not. Having read a couple of my comments won't tell you enough about me to know.
To the person who said this: We had a conversation in notes. Or rather: I had hoped for one, but the last note I sent has not yet been read and I have been blocked from your page. I assume you were too frightened to read my note based on my anger from the previous one. But in case you're reading this, on the off-chance that you're reading this journal here are the contents of that note that you didn't read but blocked me instead.
"If I am business-like and don't involve my own emotions in a post, I am apparently not nice enough. If I do involve my own feelings it is apparently hurtful. Since no matter how I write things it seems to be hurtful and unwelcome I shan't bother you with any of the potential replies I had written up for this one.
I'm sorry to hear that I scare you. I'd say it's because you don't know me so well, but the truth is I sometimes even scare people who know me quite well. Should you gather the courage to actually dare to get to know me better, well, you know where to find me.
If it really bothers you that much, to know that I might post an unwelcome criticism to what you post, I'll remove you from my watch list if you wish it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable with my mere presence on dA.
Both offers stand indefinitely, so take your time to think.
Jem"
That's it. I hope that wasn't too frightening. At first I thought you'd blocked me after reading this note, and that frankly pissed me off. The notion that you didn't believe my word, when I said I wouldn't come to your page again, had me furious. Then I noticed that the note is still unread. But since you accused me of lying in your note by putting some of my words in inverted commas, making it painfully clear that you didn't give my word too much worth, the conclusion about the note was easy to make. It was hasty, though, and I feel rather guilty for that. But what do you know.
I actually did stay away from your page, and intended to do so until you'd gotten back to me. But that note was sent a week ago and I was impatient. I was in limbo not being able to sleep, and so I started thinking about all the things I would have liked to say to you, but didn't because I knew it'd hurt you. All the things I'd love to say to you as a friend, that would be construed to be horribly mean criticism in your mind as you pointed out in your note, so I didn't say them. I hope you'll send me a note, responding to mine, but I suppose it's too much to ask for some closure.
Btw, I do think it's rather low that you blocked me from a club in a fandom we're both frequenting. Blocking me from your page, fine, okay, if that makes you feel better, but blocking me from a club because you happen to not like me is immature at best. Anally vengeful a worst. And thanks for letting me find this little surprise on my own and not even notifying me. I know you were hurt, but really...
To the patient souls who have read thus far. Some of you might know who I'm talking about above, if you do, keep it to yourselves. This is my only way of reaching her right now, sadly.
To those who don't know who the abovementioned person might be: If you feel like criticising my work, please do so thoroughly. I'm here to improve and I need outside help to do so. If you feel like talking to me and getting to know me, well I'm here. If you have insights and opinions on criticism and such, please share them. If people shut up about what they think of how I conduct myself here, they can't really expect me to change according to their standards. So what ARE your standards, people? Talk to me, let's have a good chat about how to best make a good critique, and especially a critique of the work of someone you do not know. If you're friends with the person and know them well, yeah sure, you'll probably know what'll set them off and what won't, but what about those whom you don't know? Do you go read through their past 10 journal entries before critiquing? Or do you gamble and just state your opinion?
I'm all ears.
Proud member of:
High Priest of: ~
CthulhuCultists
I'm not dead
Miserable
Frustrated
Artistic
thanks for the support on the project...in your journal ! 
