Should ever I impart my love for thee?
Thy nature calls me like a magic spell.
I long to feel thy kindly eyes on me
evoking tender feelings sense can't quell.
For hours I would dwell upon thy smile,
that shy and secretive quirk of thy lips,
perhaps thou wouldst indulge me for a while
and place thy gentle hands upon my hips.
With fervour my heart beats its song for thee.
Mine eyes do seek thy gaze at every chance.
I wonder, when thou lookst, dost thou not see
my every furtive smile and cautious glance?
I e'er an interest thou dost express
I should be yours at that, no more, no less.
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Author's Comments
Beware! Love poem! I'm usually not a purveyor of things sappy and lovable, but just this once... because I'm madly in love.
I went to see Sweeney Todd, and because buses in my city sucks I had to spend more than an hour waiting in a café before the movie. Not that I minded terribly, they sold freshly pressed orange juice, and I could sit and write - which I did. And I finally caved to the temptation to write what I've been feelng for the past few weeks... and what is only getting stronger and stronger. This is completely unedited, and suffers from a couple of lines that aren't very elegantly constructed. The number of syllables, when pronounced, should fit perfectly, unless I've lost my ability to count to five. But there it is. Uncut and uncensored XD Bear with my sappyness, please. Comments
 Ok! I finally have some time to read! Lets see... It is indeed very rough, but the idea I think is there, and you can definitely mold this into something that is very sweet to read. Like eye candy, but in words.
It has potential, and like you said, some of the lines aren't very elegantly constructed. I still, though, got a sense of that hidden longing, ever so familiar to me. Perhaps try different rhyming word? That might help. Also, the third last line... I think you have an extra syllable. I'm looking forward to when you edit! Now, for some good things. I liked that you connected the heart beat to a song, making it, i think, a very sensual, personal serenading kind of imitation. I can really connect to this. Specially to the line of wanting to make eye contact, that one really got me. Edit! I want to favourite it!  Thank you
 I don't know if it will ever be edited... I have three poems up for editing right now... and well... I'm experiencing some shifts in my personal life right now, so my free time has lessened somewhat  A boyfriend can do that to a person's plans. Yes, the object of this poem has been acquired and we are now a couple And I'm having a great time of it XDBut I'll try to find the time to return to this and make it a little more shapely. Thanks for commenting, as always -- FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes. Oh! Glad to hear of it! Congratulations!
In the case that you find yourself in now, well, good for you! I hope everything will go on smoothly! Thank you very much
I think there might be a happy sappy poem coming up as well lol but we'll see.I'll still be around here, writing and commenting See ya! -- FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.  I like this, it brought a smile to my face. You can tell the writer is happy.
Oh she is hehe.
She spent all of Saturday with the object of the poem I'm a very happy cat right now hehe-- FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes. |
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